Keep Calm & VENT On

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Lanay & I during her 2016 visit!

I am a emotional bottler. I keep all my non-happy emotions stored inside me until there’s too many and I just pop. (Also, the pop is probably my favorite onomatopoeia.)

Yesterday was a pop day. Also sometimes when I pop I cry. Or laugh uncontrollably. Sometimes it comes in heavy tears. Or light tears. And other times complete crankiness. Yesterday was an all the above type day.

The day started off with finding out one of our kids passed away the night before. Cancer sucks. SUCKS. SUCKS.

It continued with going into work and everyone around me being a bit grumpy. Ew. No thank you.

Then I found out I had to drive a town away after work for an interview with another family. Not the worst, just not super convenient.

After that, I received an email from my apartment saying that they were doing next day apartment inspections and pets had to be kenneled or out of the home. UGH. My apartment was a mess (like a “I haven’t done dishes in a month mess & my closet looks like it threw up.” btw that’s just a sink full, not like overflowing). AND WHERE DO I PUT MY DOG WHO HAS NEVER BEEN IN A CAGE?

After work I drove to my apartment to walk Dolce, and then left for the interview. During my drive I called my bestie, Lanay, to tell her I had to cancel our Bible-study call. While I tried to cancel, we ended up talking. ALL my crankiness came out. It was such a sweet relief. She just listened to me vent. She heard my pain, and frustration and just listened. It is so good to just be heard. To not argue or try to justify why I’m feeling feelings, but just to be loved during my frustration. I hope everyone has a friend like Lanay.

I went to the interview and cried. The child, the sweet, beautiful child was adopted, and dad went into deep detail about the abuse the child had suffered. It just broke my heart. I was sad for the pain the child, and siblings endure for too long- and the lasting consequences of the abuse. Angry that this could happen (drugs suck). Joyful that he was no longer in an abusive home and so loved by his family. ALL the feelings at once is hard.

Driving away I felt all the feelings again. As I picked up Dolce from my apartment to drop her off at my parents (much to their thrill), I called Lanay to talk about Hebrews. Guys, it was so good. We talked about His sovereignty and how He fulfills His promises. It was so, I can’t even explain, so perfect to talk about Truth in a time of suckiness.

I dropped Dolce off, watched Survivor (because come on, it’s on its 16th year and I can’t stop! won’t stop), and ate gelato. Went back to my apartment and cleaned until 2am. During my cleaning time, Lanay would periodical text me words of encouragement. She didn’t expect a response, just kept saying that I could do it. Lanay, move back to NM!

Also, yesterday was the type of day that led me to searching for Christian therapists again (I think I found one!). I told Lanay that in one of our chats, and she was super supportive. I think we should be more honest about our hurt, and emotion; and our search for help. It’s surprising how many people are also looking for someone to talk to, and/or empathize with.

I did it. Guys, I made it through yesterday. I can make it though today.

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ice cream & a selfie, because treat yo’self

 

What I’m Learning Right Now

A friend and I are going through Hebrews right now together (she lives in the DC area, and I’m in NM- I find it really sweet to be able to still walk together in Christ even though we’re so far away from one another. It’s also an easy way to keep each other accountable- and a convenient way to stay in touch!).

We’re using She Reads Truth as our guide, and it’s so great! Not only is it cute, which I’ll be honest is a huge plus, it separates the days- so friend and I can say, ‘hey this week I’ve got community group, lots of work, and a pretty busy schedule, let’s only chat up to day 12 today.’ It’s also laid out to make you read, study, pray, and live the verses you read that day- to dig deeper than what you maybe have read/studied before.

hebrews

So far, so good. Hebrews is full of reminders that Jesus is our true high priest, and that his sacrifice is it. No other sacrifice is necessary, nothing we can do can alter this.

“What this new covenant does is implant into the heart of man a new nature, impelling him to act righteously. No longer is his conduct directed by an exterior law but by the law of Christ within him.” -AW Tozer

Tozer doesn’t mean that we don’t have to follow the law (we do), but our standards are higher- they are heavenly standards. In my mind, if the law says not to kill our neighbor because they stole from us, let’s not only not kill- let’s love. Let’s provide them with the items they need to succeed (so they don’t have to steal).

Overall my heart is reminding me grace and mercy all day, everyday. What does this mean? How does it look? What is my call to it?

Yeah, if you can answer these questions for me, that’d be great.

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Treat Yo’Self (lavender edition)

I’m a firm believer in the Tom Haverford/ Donna Meagle mantra of “treat yo’self.” I think, as an introvert (that’s cool to be now, right?), treating myself means a day away from people. Where better to go than a lavender farm!?

Lavender is LITERALLY my favorite smell. The drive up to Purple Adobe Lavender Farm was less than peaceful. The drive is only suppose to be 1.5(ish) hours from Albuquerque, but due to terrible traffic and small town fiestas the drive took 2.5 hours! I do not handle stressful driving well. I can admit that.

BUT all of my aggression dissipated as soon as I stepped out of the car at the farm! I mean, seriously, it has that much of a calming effect. The farm has the cutest little tea shop where they were serving lavender tea, gluten-free scones, and lavender gelato. Ummm, yes please to all three!

They also have a meditation garden. It was a sweet place to pray to God, and thank Him for this day. For that gorgeous NM sky. For different smells and tastes. For time apart from people. For people. And for being able to relax and find rest in Him. I’m going through Hebrews now with a friend, and am reminded that taking a day of rest is not selfish, it’s not lazy- it’s for Jesus. And not in the “that’s my excuse for doing nothing today,” way- it’s for Jesus in that when you rest you should be finding restoration in Him, and His goodness.

“10 for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works,[e] just as God did from his. 11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” -Hebrews 4:10-11

I left Purple Adobe dreaming of growing fields of lavender when I’m older and have a large farm (slightly unrealistic because there is so much work involved in a farm & I have the opposite of a green thumb). A girl can dream, right?